Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
