Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
