We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
