Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Pooping to opera.
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