Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
