the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
