I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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