He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
