it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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