is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
