thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
