The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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