The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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