I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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