and you said cock pushups were impossible
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
