I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
