Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
