am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
