ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
