I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
