you win again, gameday.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize