Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
