R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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