So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
