I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
