I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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