If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
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