chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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