Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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