New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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