Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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