I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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