this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ketchup is God's man juice
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
