So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
