First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
