The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
