just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
