Do you still have your period?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
