Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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