The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
