Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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