Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
