would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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