I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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