6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize