my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
