Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
