You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
