there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
