mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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