here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She needs sedatives and a leash
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
