How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
