we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
