Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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