Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
