Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
