i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
