Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
