yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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