My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
