Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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