i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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