Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize