I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
