I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Im part way to drunk.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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