I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
