I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize