I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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