we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
