I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
