Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
