I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
