I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
