i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
