I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
