no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
