I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
