ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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