He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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