I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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