I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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