I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
