why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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