so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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