I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
