hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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