12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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