I hate all girls vehemently.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
