he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
