Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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