she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Randomize
