Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
