Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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