I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
