so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize