cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
