Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The uberlube is also flammable
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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