I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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