You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize