No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
