At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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