now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
