Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
