i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
