Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
