Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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