So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize