I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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