if you like me you must not know who I am
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
