I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
