when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
