I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
