hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
