oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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