I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
