I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize