I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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