Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
