That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
